Ban This!

Via MarketingVox, headline:
"Bill seeks to block access to MySpace at School and Libraries"

"The bill, proposed by Republican Senator Matt Murphy from Illinois, seeks to block access to some social networking sites in schools and libraries in an effort to help protect children from sexual predators"

In related news, lawmakers are also proposing a ban on but not limited to schools, churches, boy/girl scout meetings, malls, playgrounds, parks, organized youth sports events, field trips, open fields of more than 2 acres, campgrounds, camps, and all gyms. It's our responsibility as a society! The safety of our children cannot be compromised. Wherever the predators are, we will keep our children away.

This just in...

Lawmakers have finally emerged from closed-door negotiations with a new law proposed to alleviate all parental responsibility. Branded Newb hasn't had time to read the entire document, however, a quick read reveals the following:

• National bedtime is now 9:00PM local time, any children found staying up later are subject to fine or imprisonment
• 30% of meals must consist of vegetables, which have to be completely consumed prior to leaving the table
• Primetime TV watching is strictly forbidden
• The buddy system has been banned due to pending sexual harassment litigation
  
• Video games that dismember zombies are permitted for 1 hour a day. Playing games with characters that kiss or sleep on the same bed is illegal. Separate beds are ok.
• Breakfast is mandatory and is now officially sponsored by Kelloggs
• Kite flying is strictly prohibited in locations where the weather may become inclement

Thank you for your cooperation!