Tasked by Amber to perpetuate a meme, I have no choice but to obey. I'm a few days late though so I expect the undescript "warning" package she's going to leave at my door to be shocking but not explosive. I thank her for her New Year's kindness. And now on to the task at hand: 5 things you don't know about me and will never be able to unknow:
- I go to bed with a pillow over my eyes. It started because I was afraid of the dark as a child but couldn't handle the stuffiness of covering all of me with the sheets. The compromise was to cover most of me with the sheets, my eyes with the pillow and leave my nose and mouth open to breathe. It doesn't make sense but we're only on #1 so you better hang in there.
- I have a shy bladder, can't do the urinal troughs. Seriously, stood there once working every mental exercise I could come up with: Niagara Falls, firemen hoses, the Bellagio fountains and that nature video where the elephants pee on trees. Nothing. So yeah, umm what are you doing this weekend?
- On a related note, I stare at genitalia in locker rooms. Ok, look, I'm not like staring staring or anything k? It's just that the universe hates me and almost every single time I'm in a locker room, some dude's junk is in my line of sight and the owner (as well as his friends if available) will always notice. Ex: I look for a plug for my shaver, doh, some dude's junk. I try to remember which bottom locker I stored my stuff, doh, some dude's junk. I gesture to a friend across the way, some dude's standing on a bench... junk at eye level. Leaving the gym, looking in the rearview to back the car out and yup, someone's junk in the mirror.
- I get split ends on my leg hairs. I suppose it's because I don't moisturize enough but it's challenging to find time to treat my legs right. I barely get enough pumice-time with my heels. Life sucks.
- I fantasize about blowing raspberries on the stomach of strangers (mostly women, sometimes men, don't judge me). In general, I think about stuff like: How would she react? Would she giggle, scream or snort? Oh, she's a plump one, I bet it'd be a nice bass note.
Also, I'm just going to let this be a terminal point for this viral since I don't have the clout of Amber nor do I think anyone I know will actually do it. Besides, I'm like weeks late on this meme. Lastly, this is pretty cool but god forbid we start doing things on blogs we all hated from email spam.