The fish were a sign

My fish died today. Both of them. I never named them because I couldn't tell them apart so they were just "the fish". I found them dead this morning, which brings up some interesting questions: Did they die at the same time? Did one of them die first, prompting the other say "O happy dagger" and end it? Was it a bowl-shattering domestic dispute that ended in a murder suicide?

Or was it just me, neglecting the fish?

I'm not suited for the whole responsibility thing. At first, I'm pretty good, taking care of the fish on a daily basis. Changing things up like the water on a weekly basis. And then for some reason, more often than not because I'm simply bored of it, I forget a feeding. A mossy coating soon lines the bowl, as if protecting the fish from suicidal tendencies.

I'm not heartless so I do occasionally come back and feed the fish, maybe not as neatly as I did before, maybe not counting out pinches and waiting around to watch them eat. Do fish choke?

Well, I completely blame myself. No fish deserves to die like this. Not through neglect. Maybe an unfortunate accident off the credenza or a predatory swipe by a visiting feline. That's the way to go.

Alas though, I am helpless against the dark cloaked one. The fish are gone.

I miss them.

Checking In

Hey, how's everyone doing?

I'm still here. It's been a busy few months. There's so many things I wanted to write about but can't because I'm bound by the rusty shackles of multiple NDAs. What I can tell you is that I feel a disturbance in the Force, a gut reaction that the online advertising industry is about to make a significant shift. Money is getting tighter these days and accountability for performance is going up. Over and over, I'm seeing people wanting to see proof that things are working. This may mean that the trend towards fluffy online experiences like viral YouTube campaigns or pointless sites may be going away. Instead, we may start to see some more concrete initiatives that are relevant to consumers and that more directly hit the bottom line. In other words, your online experience may be a little less annoying soon. Since my job is basically Fluff Exterminator (think black jumpsuit with badge of pink poodle with big X on it... actually, don't.) work's been good lately.

Meanwhile, I've somehow turned into a workaholic. In doing so, I've also sapped whatever creative mojo I usually have for Branded Newb. Though it may seem like it, I haven't given up on this whole writing and blogging thing. Just wanted to let you know.

I'll see you when I come up for air. Probably this weekend after I read HP7.

Dead Zones

Currently, there are two known locations on the continental United States that do not have a mobile signal nor any broadband Internet access. One of these locations is so remote, you'd have to dog sled to a negative visibility airstrip somewhere in Minnesota, look for a siding-patched trailer, drop kick the door and begin to compel not only the guy inside, a twitchy pilot named Shuka, but also your surviving dogs to join you in the single prop Cessna parked out back. Next, you'd have to fly (if you can call it that) over two peaks so high you'd get brain freeze just by looking at them and then, swoop over crevasses wedged with the middle-aged bodies of adventure-seeking Orange County accountants. Finally, you'd land on a frozen lake. As you hike towards the middle of the lake with your cell phone in hand, you'll start to see and feel the modern world drift away from you, one painful bar at a time. Yes, welcome to the first dead zone.

The second one is in Montgomery Bell State Park, just an hour away from Nashville, Tennessee. You get here by leaving your very comfortable apartment in Playa Vista, CA (where there is so much unsecured wi-fi, an erection is probably all you need to check email), heading to the airport and plopping down in the "B" line, all the while, promising yourself never to book on an airline named after only one direction. At some point, after being toss fed a creative mix of snacks that you're pretty sure never involved someone with a culinary degree nor would ever be titled "Springtime Variations on the Vendings of My Youth", (though wouldn't it be great if they were) you land. You drive through roads that your GPS TomTom doesn't even know and it starts to say to you, "Are you sure you want to turn right here? I saw a movie once and it didn't end well if you turned right here." But you still turn right and left and before you know it, you reach an outpost of humanity that some people call a State Park. This is the type of place people like having family reunions because if you and your family end up killing each other, no one outside would ever find the bodies.

And so here I am. My cell phone lays stubbornly exhausted on the night stand, not quite able to accept the realization that there are no bars to be found. There is not a LAN outlet in site. Around here, you'd be more likely to find a bear kissing a wolf than a wi-fi signal. I am truly and sadly in a dead zone.

Earlier this evening, in an act of desperation, I yanked the cord from the room's phone and plugged it into my laptop, feeling like I just stole an old lady's wheelchair to joyride down the hill. I post now after spending nearly 2 hours signing up for NetZero dialup. As I type, the NetZero Taskbar application mocks me from it's "always on top" throne in the upper right of my screen, reminding me of my servitude.

What can I say? I'm nothing without internet access.

We're going where?!

Howdy!

This weekend, I'll be at the Montgomery Bell State Park in the good ol' state of Tennessee. You see, there ain't no thing likes the en'dars'net over dar so... I'll be out of touch for a while. Not that I haven't been out of touch. You know how it is.

Anyways, I appreciate the visit and I'll see you next week. In the meantime, you appreciate your connectivity to the rest of the world, savor it... enjoy it like the last little morsel of sweet chocolaty goodness that it is.

I'm filthy stinking rich!

I've gotten a few questions about the Google ads on the right. Somewhere over there ~~>

Just to clear the air, I'm not doing it for the money. In total, that placement has earned approximately $3. That's right, three measly bucks. And although it has earned $3, I haven't actually cashed that out with Google.

So why do it? Research.

There's just enough traffic to BN that I can play around with the Adsense system.

And just so you don't think I've gone soft as an evil marketer. If I could figure out a way to make a lot more than $3 off this blog, rest assured, I would. =)

Say Hi to March Will You?

Another travel week again. Should have something new up by Thursday. If I miss it, greet the new month without me k?

Branded Newb-iversary!

Hi! Welcome to the State of the Blog Address.

Today is a special day at Branded Newb. It's the one year anniversary of the first post! How about that?! Woot!

Honestly, I never knew it would get this far. This blog started out as a way to catalog my experience as a brand manager for Acclaim. As the year went on, the game I managed launched, I personally moved on and became an online marketing consultant and throughout, the blog lived on. I'm not sure what this blog has done for you (hopefully entertain and educate), but for me, it has given so much. I've made new friends through it, I've learned a lot about writing (and as a result, myself), and I totally scored a free PSP game. Not bad at all.

The tags show that we've stayed mostly on topic with games and online marketing as the main foci (folksonomy to your right). I'm tempted to link to my favorite posts over the year but I'll refrain. This is a time to look forward, not back. Well ok, let's look back just a little. Some non-linked highlights from the year include:

• Launching a game. It was amazing to experience the industry from the inside but even more so with a blog that allowed me to have a space to engage with the players.
  
• Being quoted in the NY Times. Probably the highlight of my writing career, even if it is just a silly line out of a random post, it felt nice to see my writing in a publication I love.
• Creating enemies of Second Life fanbois. Perhaps not the first but one of the first to call bullshit on SL, I felt good as everyone else came to realize the sham of SL for PR and marketing.
• Stirring up trouble. Online marketers are a vain bunch and many have found my blog after I've trashed (or praised) their campaigns. It's a great feeling to not only be able to voice your opinion on something but to have a dialogue with the actual concerned parties.
• Actual readers. I suppose this is synonymous with thanking the fans but that would be presumptuous of me to assume I have any fans. I just enjoy being read, some of you daily, some of you random off of Google searches. Either way, it's nice to see that my thoughts interest you enough to go to the next word, then line and maybe an entire post. Thanks for that.
  

Stats time! You are reading post #487 which averages out to more than a post per day; securing my ability to still call this a daily blog. We're closing in on 35,000 total visits for the year, almost 100 a day. By far, the most popular way to get here has been through Google searching Acclaim related keywords (which makes sense, given how the blog started). The most popular exit is immediately (hey, I can handle it). The most popular post was one where I photoshopped a PS3 to show it making toast, so much for writing skills (I linked it in some Digg article, it was my experiment with traffic generation).

Finally, the future. I'd like to continue this blog for another year. I'm pleased with where it's at in terms of content and topic. These are things that I'm truly passionate about and can write about for at least another year. The balance may tip away from games a little (given that I'm no longer a games brand manager) but I can't hide the fact that I'm a gamer for too long.

As far as goals go...

• I think I'll try to revise the blog to be just slightly more user friendly. I don't think I'll leave Blogger though, as I find I like the support and ease of use. We'll see what third party tools I can add to make things more interesting.
• I'll try to get more readers. Sure, a part of this is vanity but I think it'll increase the value for everyone else if the blog increases the number of dedicated and extroverted readers. I just think some more discourse would add a nice element to the blog. Mainly, I blame myself as I'm sure my posts aren't exactly begging for conversation. Also, I blame the topics. My hunch is that BN is probably too casual for serious business types and too business for casual gamer types.
• I'll use fewer parentheses. I know, they can get out of control.

Yeah, nice and safe goals. I'll see you next year and we'll compare notes.

So finally, thanks for being a reader! I would never have gotten to a year without you guys.

Ken

Home sweet home

Due to new Blogger functionality, Branded Newb is now officially on www.brandednewb.com. The www part is important cuz I can't figure out how to make it redirect without. Old links to brandednewb.blogspot.com will be redirected automatically. This is opposite of what I had set up before, that is, if you typed www.brandednewb.com, you were redirected to the blogspot address. Confused yet? Don't worry, if you can read this, you have the right address.

I'll also take this opportunity to say that I've been pretty happy with Blogger. It doesn't have all the fancy tools that some offerings provide but it's free and more importantly, pain free.

One last thing. I own this domain name until 2009 so I'm not going anywhere. I'm gonna get my money's worth!

Merry Christmas!

I'm going travel'n today! Y'all watch that eggnogging, I know how you are!

At the tone...

Hello. You've reached Branded Newb.

We're out of the state right now and will return this weekend.

If this is an emergency, elevate and ice it.

If you're interested in buying the beige couch, please leave your contact info and best offer.

To leave a message for Ken or for Stephanie Chambers #1 Real Estate Agent in the Westside!, click comment.

Have a nice day!

Oh gross

Ok, so I posted the other day on Paris Hilton showing up on YouTube. I was trying to be witty and thinking of things that didn't go together. At which point I came up with the title, "Like Grandma's Thong". At the time, it seemed like a clever little title and a good idea...

About a week ago, Google finally spidered the blog and well... I really don't want to tell you how much traffic I've gotten from the keyword "grandma's thong". Normally, I don't use little girly expressions but:

eww eww EWW!

::shakes it out::

Seriously, you people need to go away, you're totally creeping me out!

This is not a blog you can find old naked women, granny x-rated videos, granny nudes, old women in bikinis, grandma's in lingerie, grannies wearing tights, old ladies at the pool, retirement home strip poker, sunbathing in Florida or any of 80+ sex scenes.

Or is it?

Eww!!

Fill'er up

So let's be honest here. Posts have been subpar lately. I'm not making any excuses. Haven't had the time so the blog content suffers. But hey, keep dropping by and things may pick up again soon. In the meantime, enjoy the filler.

Just a friendly note to let you know I haven't thrown in the towel.

Thanks! =)

Newb changes

I just moved the "Newb" over to the new Blogger beta.

Biggest improvement: Tags! So here's the million dollar question. Would going back to tag 328 posts be useful to anyone?

Bad news: Haloscan comments are down until they allow html editing. I'm really hoping that they'll transfer over.

Vanity: Tried to maintain the look from yesterday but without html editing, it's not exact. Just squint your eyes k?

The plan for the weekend

I'm heading out of town this weekend (starts today) so normal posts may be unpredictable.

Abnormal posts, however, will be the plan.

Stay tuned...

[Sunday evening update: I totally lied, sorry. Would have posted but I got "wired" and then couldn't get "wired". hehe ]

NY Times quotes me: I'm giddy!

In what is sure to be my strangest morning newspaper moment to date...

I was snacking on my whole-wheat-frosted, sugar-free, gluten-free and unsaturated fat toast this morning when I ran across this article in my NY Times, "A Lesson for Parents on 'MySpace Madness'". June 26, 2006: Page C4 (free reg login required, but you knew that)

An excellent article that got me reading to the very last three paragraphs, at which point I came across the text:

"Ken Chan, a brand manager for the video game company..."

::blink blink... AND blink::

Egads, that's me! You guys better duck, cuz my professionalism is flying out the door:

Yipee!

Ok, I've calmed down.

The ironic thing was that I was reading the article and thinking, oh I should update the blog with this bit of news about the MySpace assault case. Apparently, the predator is now suing MySpace as well because they didn't keep the 13 year old from joining the site in the first place (you have to be 14 to join). In related made-up news, both of these kids were sent to the hospital earlier today with injuries due to spontaneous combustion of their pants. The universe is thus balanced.

By the way, the NY Times quoted me. How wild is that?!

Excuse me a second while I look through the bushes for my professionalism.

Comment swaparoo

My apologies. I rarely read the comments through the links on this site. Rather, I get email notices and use the tools on Haloscan's site.

I just noticed that the order of messages, with most recent on top, is counterintuitive to normal reading. I changed the settings so that the most recent comment is on the bottom. Thanks and sorry for the confusion.

This post will self-destruct in 2 days. =)

Blogger's been iffy

Since I seem to be able to post right now. Wanted to let you all know: It's been an iffy few days with Blogger so if nothing shows up for a while, I'm not locked in a room eating 3,000 calories... again.

Lazy Thursday

Taking a break today. Check back tomorrow. In the meantime, check out some of the blogs to the right, always a good read. ~~>

Thanks!

Posts will be light, check back Monday

Busy weekend. I'll throw together a gallery for you guys on Monday as well as an update on BOTS. =)

Have a happy Easter!

Branded Newb Milestone: 100 posts

This is a little bit self-serving but you're reading the 100th post on Branded Newb. Just a little milestone that I'm kinda proud of.

Here are some other stats and what I learn from them:

• BN has received approximately 2,000 visits since launch, about 7 weeks ago.
• Uh oh, I actually have readers.
  
• On average, visitors spend about 2.5 minutes per visit.
• Keep the posts short
  
• The most popular posts are about BOTS (not a surprise).
• Stay on target
  
• 70% of the traffic comes from the U.S. while the rest are international or unknown origins. Countries of origin have included, the UK, Australia, Estonia, the Phillipines and Columbia, representing most continents. (C'mon Africa, give me a hit).
• Perhaps keep the cultural inside jokes and references to a minimum
  
• 40% of my visitors use Firefox, indicative of the more tech-savvy audience.
• Don't be afraid to use techy terms
  
• The most popular ISPs have been Cox and Comcast, both broadband cable providers.
• More pictures and videos!
  

I really want to thank everyone for their feedback, support and readership. As always, feel free to let me know your thoughts. =)