Thursday, July 20, 2006

Shhh, I'm evading taxes

It's a beautiful day in Playa Vista. The sun is hiding demurely behind a see-through sheet of clouds. And with the gentleness of a parent's hand, an invisible breeze coaxes the palms to draw curlicues in the air. Yes, this is very nice day in coastal California. In fact, a perfect day... to steal from the government.

There's a Coffee Bean downstairs that I frequent because it's downstairs. I'm pretty predictable: blended iced chai no whipped cream. Why do we need to whip cream everything? One day I'm going to order a glass of water and they're going to ask me if I want whip cream on it. Don't succumb, just say no to the whip cream.

Where was I? Oh yeah, so order my drink and get asked, "for here or to go?". Hmm, well this is new. I don't remember being asked this before, here or at Starbucks.

"What's the difference?" I inquired, while looking at my cup of chai (Who seems to be saying, "Meh, I could go either way.")

"If you get it for here, I have to charge you tax." barista du jour replied.

"To go please." I say, feeling like I just brought down a monstrous slam dunk before the disbelieving eyes of Dubya. Booya! Eat that Bushie!

I pay and walk off with my own very Dubya-like smirk and signature "hehe".

I sat down outside and immediately felt bad. It dawned on me that I'm pretty sure the IRS would technically classify my sitting outside as still within the realm of "for here". And with that came the internal monologue:

"Did the barista just whisper 'cheap a-hole' or 'cappuchino' to her coworker?"

"I wonder how they audit this kind of stuff."

"By saving a quarter, did I just start a chain of events that would ultimately end with a kid not getting a required textbook, thus becoming disenchanted with education, dropping out of high school, running with the wrong crowd, finally crossing paths in the far future with a middle-aged man with a cup of iced chai who doesn't give up his wallet right away (dammit, which pocket is it in?) and sadly, the kid goes to jail for the rest of his life because he shoots chai-man in the face. [worse sentence ever but hey, it's an internal monologue.]"

"Wow, I bet getting shot in the face hurts. Can't blame the kid, I was holding an iced chai, that just screams out 'mug me' in five different languages."

"Are you done, can we get back on topic? Yeah, I think so."

"They should put up a big poster that says, 'Save 8% by taking it to go!' How illegal would that really be?"

"Wow, you're really an evil marketer. Yeah, I know."

No comments: