The power of suggestion

They put up a new sign in my elevator today. It says:

"SHOULD THE ELEVATOR DOORS FAIL TO OPEN..."

Well, how often does that happen? I mean, not often right? But it's gotta happen enough to warrant a sign, so maybe I should be worried?

"DO NOT BECOME ALARMED,"

Ok, thanks, I was getting lil' worried.

"THERE IS LITTLE DANGER OF RUNNING OUT OF AIR"

OMFG! You could run out of air in these things?! What the hell does "little danger" mean? I mean, "little danger" is not the same as "absolutely no chance". Why aren't you more confident dude?!

What if I'm a deep breather, you know, my mom used to tell me I breathed loud. Is it getting hot in here? Oh man oh man...

"OR OF THIS ELEVATOR DROPPING UNCONTROLLABLY"

WTF?! Why would you say that? I wasn't even thinking that! Oh my gawd! Oh my gawd!

You were softening me up with the air thing weren't you? The hell with running out of air, this thing is going to fall way before that happens. This is a steel cage of death, I just stepped into a steel freak'n cage of DEATH! Auuugh!

*Ding* [Door opens]

Whew. I need to take the stairs more.