Wednesday, June 14, 2006

The custodians strike again

Warning: The following post is a rant. Some things written in this rant may offend those prone to being offended. Any use or unuse of this rant is strictly the responsibility of the reader.

When I was growing up, there was a fried chicken chain in LA called Pioneer Chicken. I could find the one in my neighborhood with my eyes closed, not because I was very good with directions but because all I needed was my nose. The restaurant was always immaculately clean and the thermostat set at approximately 40 degrees. This made for a very sensual experience when you walked in the door. You're immediately hit with a bone-chilling gust of air. Held within this gust is the most belly-warming aroma of fried chicken that you've ever inhaled. I use the word inhale because you don't just sniff this smell, you invite it in for a nightcap, show it around the place and make sweet sweet love to it before you let it go.

Pioneer Chicken closed down in sometime in the late 80's. There are still some restaurants in LA but it's not the same. There was something special about that chicken. Simply put, it tasted good. Even in my youth, I recognized that this taste was not without its price. Pioneer Chicken was food you don't have all the time. Perhaps I was tipped off by how it was able to make my napkins transparent. Maybe it was that I could still taste the chicken in my fingertips 3 days later. Or maybe, it was just that I knew things this good would ruin me. Regardless of what it was, my uneducated mind knew this was not something you eat everyday or in excess.

I knew this then and I still know this now. So someone explain to me, why some self-righteous know it alls have appointed themselves custodians of my own freak'n health? In this NY Times article, a group called "The Center for Science in the Public Interest" is suing KFC to make them stop using trans fat in their cooking. I'll summarize this whole silly business for you:

KFC uses trans fat.
Trans fat causes heart disease.
Heart disease is bad.
Therefore, KFC is bad.

In response, KFC said: "We have been reviewing alternative oil options, but there are a number of factors to consider including maintaining KFC's unique taste and flavor of Colonel Sanders' Original Recipe."

The sweet taste of Pioneer is already lost to me, why mess with KFC? Leave my damn chicken alone! Sure, I recognize that there's a certain part of the population who don't know a steady fried chicken diet is bad for them. I feel bad for these people. However, these are probably the same people who don't put on their seatbelts and who suck down endless coffee during the day and Coors at night. So let's be honest with ourselves here. You're not going to save these people. You're just screwing up the chicken for the rest of us.

This is a horrific trend in our society. The labels, the signs, the bans, the censorship, the revisionism, and the litigiousness. I hate the custodians. I hate the liberal custodians and I hate the conservative custodians. I blame the extreme left and right. The middle needs to stand up. Don't you people see?! They're taking away our chicken! Don't write your politicians, they don't care. Stick your head out your window and scream, "I'm mad as hell...

Oh nevermind. Anyone have a good chicken recipe?

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